Sunday, March 18, 2012

Women v. Republican assholes

If I get pregnant again, the odds of needing a heart transplant is a considerable one. Death would be another possibility.


Yet somehow my health risks wouldn’t matter, because my imaginary fetus would carry “personhood rights” while I’ve been downgraded to the status of a farm animal. Who cares what happens to the mom? After all, it’s not like women matter.


Each week, there seems to be a new bill on the table somewhere stripping away more women’s rights.


A bill is getting ready to pass where I live that would allow doctors to lie to women about being pregnant if they suspect the mom might have an abortion. I guess with my pregnancy-induced heart condition, I would now fall into this category. I don’t see anything wrong with a mother choosing her own life, when a fetus is putting her life in danger. And I don’t think I’m a terrible person for having this belief.


While my husband will be having a vasectomy soon to prevent us from having to make that heartbreaking decision, I can’t help but wonder about the women who don’t have this option. In fact, some hospitals won’t even perform hysterectomies (even lifesaving ones), because they go against their "values.” The fact that any hospital would value death over life is absolutely disgusting.


And just when I think Republican men can’t dehumanize women anymore, they take their douchebaggery to a new level. This week, Georgia is debating a bill that would force women carry stillborn babies until they “naturally” go into labor, because that’s what farm animals do. The point of this is absolutely baffling. The fetus is dead. The only intention from a bill like this can be to cause women emotional trauma…while putting her health in jeopardy. It's like they are actively trying to kill women off.


I get that Republican politicians seem to switch out their wives for newer models more often than the average Joe trades in a car, so the topic of unconditional love might be taboo to them – but most men don’t want their wives to die. Especially when something as simple as birth control (or having a doctor be honest) could save them.


I never thought women would have to prove themselves to be worthy of human rights. We are moving backwards. It makes me terrified for what rights my daughter may never have.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

2 Months

1 Month (9 lb, 10 oz. and 22" long):

2 Months (we'll find out stats on Wednesday)

Not only have we hit the 2-month mark, but I return to work on Monday. I can't believe it has been 9 weeks (well 2 weeks at the hospital and 7 weeks at home).

Time really does fly.

As hard as it will be to leave Audrey, I know going back to work will be good for me. With all the changes to my life (mommyhood and heart issues), nothing is the same anymore – so a little normalcy will be good for me.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

6 weeks

I can't believe that Audrey is 6 weeks old. In honor of this milestone, we had a penguin party.


This milestone also means that I've been diagnosed with post-partum cardio myopathy for a little more than 5 weeks. I'm doing better adjusting to my new reality. While the echo I wrote about in my last post didn't go as well as hoped for, I am still improving and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Brent and I purchased a treadmill a week ago, so I can stay active. And last Saturday my LifeVest came off, which was the best gift of all.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and kind words.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Meet the power pack

Meet my current fashion accessory:

Yep, this is my LifeVest. I wear it 24/7...unless I'm showering.

The middle part is what's on my back and then the straps snap in the front. The 4 circles are sensors that monitor my heart rate, and the 3 gray rectangular things are the terrifying defibrillators that will shock me if my heart get out of line (if I don't respond to the warning alarm within 30 seconds). The cord going off the bottom of the photo connects to a "battery purse" that I wear around. I think it looks like a binocular case, so I just pretend to be an avid bird watcher.

Yesterday morning, my warning alarm sounded for real while I was sleeping – not only scaring the crap out of me, but also leaving me in quite the funk. Then it did again last night, and again today while I was trying to nap.

The connection between all 3 events? I was sleeping on my left side.

After a phone call to my cardiologist and to the LifeVest company, all is fine. Apparently, the sensors aren't registering correctly at times when I'm on my side and it's giving off "artificial readings." Because of this, I earned a sympathy vote from my cardiologist though – so my echo is being bumped up to tomorrow from Monday.

So, please send any positive heart vibes this way...and hopefully I'll be able to ditch the vest.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Groundhog Day update


Happy Groundhog's Day!

Audrey is now 16 days old and doing great.

As for me, I've been out of the hospital since Friday. While I'm nowhere close to 100% (and who knows if I ever will be), I am getting a little more energy and strength each day. I had my week follow-up appointment with my cardiologist today, and she's impressed with the progress I've made so far. She even reduced my hormone medication to once a day (granted I'm still on 5 different ones – but I'll take any reduction I can get). The real test will come on Feb. 13th, when I have my next echo. Hopefully after that I can say bye bye to the LifeVest.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Audrey's birth story and my health

While the story isn’t over yet, I wanted to share what was going on with me.

Thursday, January 12
I came home from work with a fever and was wheezing.

Sunday, January 15 (Hospital Day 1)
My breathing difficulty was getting worse, so my OBGYN on-call doctor told me to go to urgent care and get my lungs listened to. At urgent care, my blood pressure was out of control and we were told to go straight to the hospital.

I was checked into L&D. My blood pressure was nowhere as high, but the hospital decided to do a 24-hour urine test. As for my difficulty breathing, I was put on an antibiotic to get the “yuck” out.

Monday, January 16 (Hospital Day 2)
I was diagnosed with early stages of pre-eclampsia and given the induction date of Tuesday, January 24. I was released from the hospital and put on bed rest for the week.

Tuesday, January 17 (Hospital Day 3)
I went back to the hospital this morning after some blood gushing. My doctor decided the baby wanted to come and broke my water a little after 1 p.m. Within 10 minutes my contractions were already 3-4 minutes apart.

The biggest issue was my breathing and coughing. I lasted 90 minutes (4 cm dilated) without an epidural. Sadly, I had some epidural drama. The first one did not go in well at all. I could still feel everything on my right side. The anesthesiologist clearly knew something was wrong, because he hung around for about 45 minutes. He fidgeted with the needle after that, and it didn’t get better, so he had to redo the entire process. The second epidural stayed in my system for about 90 minutes, but after that the pain returned and didn’t go away – even with several redoses.

I started pushing around 9 p.m., so about 8 hours later. Instead of taking breaks between pushing though, I was coughing and spitting up mucus and trying to catch any breath that I had left in me. I just knew that something was not right. After about an hour my doctor was paged. Before she arrived though, another RN came in to help. At this point, I was begging for a c-section and the new RN kept telling me to keep on going – how it’d be better for me and the baby. The new RN tried to put an oxygen mask on me, which I’m too claustrophoebic for and started freaking out even more, which made my breathing even worse. During the pushes at this point, they would lower the bed for the push positioning, which made the coughing even worse and my pushes got weaker and weaker. Then they'd raise the bed so I could cough and attempt to get any air I could.

Thirty minutes later, I had so little air that I was seeing spots and close to passing out. When my doctor walked in, she offered me a c-section in less than a minute.

Everything else that night is a blur. I had epidural #3, but I was so exhausted, I fell asleep on one of the doctors holding me up. I didn’t even realize I had been strapped down. I don’t remember Brent coming into the room or even really hearing Audrey cry. When Brent was holding Audrey, I took one look at her, smiled and passed out. Audrey was born at 11:38 p.m.

Wednesday, January 18 (Hospital Day 4)
While in the c-section recovery room, I got to hold Audrey and attempt to breastfeed her in between coughing fits and a chest x-ray. Brent and I were busy loving on her, and the grandparents stopped in to see their first grandchild. I was on oxygen and getting blood drawn while Audrey and I were having some skin-to-skin time.

The RN was having some difficulty with drawing my blood (didn’t really have a lot of desirable veins left), so I started paying attention to the abuse of my hand. Then Audrey made this alarming noise, I looked over at her and see her turning purple. The RN grabbed Audrey and ran out of the room with her.

I’m not sure how much time passed. Probably only 5 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. The RN returned and told us everything was now fine. Audrey did stop breathing, but her heart was still going. She was now admitted into NICU.

When Brent and I woke up that morning, we got wonderful reports on Audrey. So, the new focus was on getting me better. I was still on oxygen and having breathing treatments.

That night, I finally got to see Audrey.

Saturday, January 21 (Hospital Day 7)
I was released from the hospital that night. Audrey developed a little jaundice though, so we boarded at the hospital since she was being released the following day.

That night I got worse. The coughing and breathing difficulty increased again…as did the tears. At this point, I played it up to hormones and just being hospital stir crazy. It hurt to be at any form of an inclined positioned because I couldn’t get air – so therefore I couldn't sleep.

Sunday, January 22 (Hospital Day 8)
We were discharged from the hospital on Sunday. Audrey still had some jaundice, but it was improving – so home health services provided us with the necessary equipment.

That morning I cried a lot. I just assumed it was hormones and possibly some post-pardum warning signs, so I didn’t read much into it. I still couldn’t get enough air, but I thought that going home would solve that issue.

I went downhill rather quickly once we got home. Less than 4 hours later, I was back in the ER. Basically, the trip to the ER was to determine if something was actually wrong or if it was panic-attack related.

After chest x-rays, an EKG and cat-scan – they discovered a had an extreme amount of fluid in my lungs and I was admitted into the hospital to start flushing out my system.

Monday, January 24 (Hospital Day 9)
Audrey update: Audrey no longer has jaundice!

I had an ECHO in the morning to determine the cause of the liquid.

I was diagnosed with Post-Pardum Cardio Myopathy. In a nut shell this means, pregnancy weakened my heart and it’s become enlarged and can’t function correctly.

While it’s looking like I’ll make a decent to full recovery, things will no longer be the same. This is a condition I will always have, which means I’ll always be at risk for congestive heart failure. I’ll most likely be on heart medication the rest of my life, and on a low-sodium diet to prevent future liquid build up.

Another heartbreaking change is that I won’t ever be pregnant again. Since pregnancy caused this issue, getting pregnant again will make my condition worse and likely lead to a form of heart balloon or other heart surgery. Definitely not worth the risk, but a lot of tears were shed.

Tuesday, January 24 (Hospital Day 10)
Not a whole lot has changed. I responded well to the medicines I’ve been on (I’ve already lost 3 liters of liquid…yes, 3 liters). Since I’ve responded well, I didn’t need to heart cath or additional ECHO done, which was a big relief.

I’m done with my nitro drip, but back on the oxygen. And I just started taking a new heart medication to see how that goes.

When I do get to go home, I’ll be on a “life vest” for about a month. This will make sure all stays well with my heart and give me a shock if needed.

Wednesday, January 25 (Hospital Day 11)
I started a beta blocker today, and I seem to be doing well with it so far. I also met up with the nutritionist to start going over my new sodium-free lifestyle.

There's rumors I'll be released on Friday, but there's been no doctor confirmation on this so far.
_____________________

So, that’s where I’m at right now. I’ll try to keep everyone updated.

As for Audrey, both my mom and mother-in-law are staying at the house with her. So she's been in great hands being spoiled.

Baby Audrey



Audrey Elizabeth was born January 17 at 11:38 pm. She weighed 7 lbs, 5 oz and is 20.75" long.

Audrey at one week:


As you can see, we're still in the hospital. Audrey is doing great, the health issues are mine. I'll post that journey in a separate post.